“You’re pulling me, stop hanging on me!! Why are you always off time? That’s the wrong step! You never practice! “ If you’ve been involved in these conversations, you might be ready for a reality check!
Among the above comments from competitors and showcase students, I have been hearing the same complaints from the social dancers. A common theme is “no one wants to dance with me” or “I only want to dance with better dancers.”
Really think about that statement for a second ….. my advice is if you are the rude person walking away, you must not be good enough to lead/follow someone. If you are the newbee walked away from, be thankful you didn’t waste one more of your precious time with someone that has such insecurities with themselves. No high level dancer worth his salt would be so rude. If you only want a better leader/ partner, make yourself valuable and read on!
Take responsibility for self.
“…because we are living creatures we are moved by inside forces. While outside forces affect what we may choose to do, they do not cause us to behave in any particular or consistent way (Glasser, 1981).
What is reality therapy? Can we apply it towards our dance partnerships?
Reality asks you to be present and action oriented, rejecting transference and discourages prolonged dwelling on the past causes of the current situation or the symptoms.
Humans are born with 5 basic needs: survival, love/ belonging, power, freedom, AND fun.
We control our thoughts and brain. We have a vision of what we imagine for ourselves. Dance is made up of acting, thinking, feeling, and physiology. We have a choice on how we behave to ourselves and partners.
Complaining, blaming, excuses, and criticizing are self defeating and ineffective and are not listened to in reality therapy. Perceived locus of internal control vs. perceived external locus of control (Wubbolding et al., Spring 2009).
What is it that you want? What is it you really want?
Identify what is needed to satisfy.
D- Direction and Doing
What are you actively doing?
How do you spend your time?
What current behaviors are you using to fulfill needs?
Feelings are the accompaniment of the doing aspect of the total behavior the client has chosen (Wubbolding, 1988).
E- Self Evaluation
How willing are you to make a searching self evaluation?
Is your behavior helping or hurting you?
Is your behavior working for you?
Is what you want realistic?
How committed are you to the process of improvement and changing the future (Corey, 2009)?
Are you ready to make plans to more effectively meet your needs?
The plan must be within the limits of possibility.
The plan must be simple, specific, realistic, attainable, include something to do, repetitive and committed (Corey, 2009)
Fight less and dance more using reality therapy techniques! And if you want better be better and always be kind.